my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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