Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
