After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
