Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
