i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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