your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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