Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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