what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
