If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
