no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
