I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
