i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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