so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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