I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
