My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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