She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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