all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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