Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
