Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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