dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize