he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just found puke in my bra..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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