I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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