Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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