I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
