he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I touched a dick in church today
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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