Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
