His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize