There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
