Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
