mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
