this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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