When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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