i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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