thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
