Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
