And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize