Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
