i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
where are my eyebrows?
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