literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
