yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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