He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
