he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize