I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
