is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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