And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
