He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
