come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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