I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
