you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
