I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
