Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
