all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
