According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
