He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
