got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
