I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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