he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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