I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
