just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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