if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
