So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
