My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
