I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
