drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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