Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
