So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
