I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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