TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
