As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
