My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
