this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
