So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
