you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
