im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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