I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
