you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
