He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
