I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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