I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
