I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
