its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
