That's when you crack a 10am beer
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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