watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize