I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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