woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
