I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
