worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
