Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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