i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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