i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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