if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
