I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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