Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize