Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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