he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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