is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
