Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
